Why the farcical title?

I’m not Simply Kim.

I love couches.

I’m demented.

‘Nuff said.

There are some issues that have been eating my brain for a long while now, and honestly, I want to express them so you can experience the pain of having unimportantly important stuff break your brains as well. The sadist in me commands, so I listen.

Oh joy.

I’m gonna start everything off with these three.

Read.

If you don’t, I’ll start shooting.

Okay, originally, I thought I wouldn’t care much for this evil guy, but as I started devouring Crystal’s works, I decided to care. Who the freakin’ hell wouldn’t when he almost always keeps popping out from everywhere trying to make my poor Rukawa’s life miserable?

Urgh! Just the ugly thought of him makes my blood boil!

This question might have been asked by virtually everyone in the SenRu fandom. And since I’m in it as well, I don’t have any choice but to be infested with unwanted thoughts of him. After reading Crystals “Wish” for the umpteenth time, I feel that I’m ready to announce that I think there’s a mirror to this guy in real life.

Like a mosquito that bites in the middle of the night.

Like the Queen Ant who does virtually nothing but lie down (Because she’s so freakin’ fat), give birth and have sex with tons of males all day and then delivers offspring that make up the whole battalion like the ant army that invaded my room the other day.

Like an evil boyfriend who gets jealous over one measly friend’s phone call and then decides to get back together because he just felt like getting back together again.

Makes me want to squish him under my thumb.

I’ve been hesitant in asking Crystal about it, since I dunno how she would react, like maybe she would laugh and I’d feel like a complete idiot, or she would secretly hire an axe murderer who would kill me in my sleep the next day.

That wouldn’t happen, my otherwise rational mind tells me. After all, Crystal’s very sweet.

I’m just being paranoid again.

Maybe I should just ask.

But then again, if ever she reads this bit... then I don’t have to ask do I?

*Types SMS message for Crystal-sama, pushes send button – only to find that the phone lacks credits*

ARGH!

The answer to this escapes me. I don’t get it.

I mean, aren’t the fans supposed to use the surnames as basis to the pairing names unless they weren’t given or used already by a more dominant character to avoid confusion? Shouldn’t “Hana” be used for poor under-appreciated Hanagata? I really feel sorry for that guy... not only do most people totally ignore him; his name is even used for another person! Evil, that’s what it is, Evil!

I have nothing against Sakuragi, because even if he is indeed a jerk sometimes – well, okay, almost all the time, he is still one of those characters that I kind of commend when it comes to the skill-improvement department. It’s the misuse of the name that bothers me.

Instead of “HanaRu” or “RuHana” (is trying hard not to let the involuntary shudder show – parent alert!), it should be “SakuRu” or “RuSaku”... and instead of “HanaHaru”, it should be SakuHaru. It doesn’t matter if it sounds weird, what’s even weirder is the fact that the one actually being referred to in the usual yaoi (Or non-yaoi as the case may be) tags the pairing fans use is Hanagata Toru! (And they call themselves avid fans!) That’s unfair for both sides! At least, when tagging, just put “Hana(michi) x anyone” for heaven’s sakes! >.<

You people should be more responsible!

The biggest issue of all!

I’m supposed to be in love with Rukawa Kaede, but look at my room’s freedom wall! (I know you can’t see ore-sama’s room, but you can’t do anything about it, so just listen to me rant, okay? Tough.) Laminated anime cards are stuck here and there, and most have Rukawa in them, but posters? Nothing.

Well, I had one once... but it’s gone now... dead to the world. May God rest its soul.

I feel so deprived that I wanna die.

This column is going to be a permanent resident of Meltwater, whether you like it or not.

It aims to target people with the intent to cause extreme loss of thought and heartburn. It is not meant to be funny, but you can laugh if you want to, just don’t let other people see, because it’s weird to watch someone laughing his/her ass off while reading something so corny that it makes stand-up comedians cringe in horror.

I only have to remind you guys that this isn’t exactly Simply Kim talking. It’s her demented twin sister, Complex Kim, (Bow down before your god!) who always thinks about unimportantly important stuff.

I’m Evil Incarnate.

Remember that or die!

*Insert menacing growl here*